Making Difficult Life Decisions

Is this something I will be happy with long term?

No one can tell you how to live your life. They can make suggestions, give opinions and some will even try to slyly persuade you to do exactly what they want you to do, but ultimately the decision is yours. You have an obligation to yourself, that obligation is to make yourself happy at all times. Even if you being happy means others will object to your methods and criticize your choices. Before you make that life altering decision, be certain that it is what you want to do wholeheartedly and you will be happy with your decision no matter the outcome.

Does it feel right? Is it smart?

I like to do what I want. That ranges from going to see a movie by myself because I’m the only one that likes Marvel movies (shout out to my 11yr old nephew who’s my new Marvel movie friend lol), to trying a new face product that might potentially peel my face off but I’ll try it anyways. If it feels right to me then I’m going to do it. Moving to another state was something that felt right. An energy was pulling me out of the NY/NJ area but I was not sure where it was directing me. I’ve never been afraid to just do something, however, I like to see at least 5 steps ahead of the decision to appease the control freak in me. I took a few weeks to lay out this move, all possible scenarios to make sure i was make a smart move. I know that nothing ever goes exactly as planned, so I would have to remain calm if those “5 steps ahead” didn’t happen in order.

No one has to understand your WHY

People will wonder why you’ve made such decisions. They will itch to know what your actual plan is. But your plan is not for them to comprehend. I moved from NY/NJ to Virginia and some people I met in Virginia would have this look their face like I was some anomaly when I said I didn’t own a vehicle. “You don’t have a car?”, “How are you getting around?”, “Uber is expensive you know!”. It felt as if they saw me as some idiot who didn’t know what she was doing or what she got herself into. I was fully aware of what I had to endure. It was the price I was prepared to pay when I moved and when I accepted the job offer knowing what my commute would look like. Yet, that was for me to know and not anyone else.

Questioning yourself is perfectly fine

You will have so many people in your ear that you might start to repeat what they say. Now you’re second guessing yourself, wondering if you did make the right choice. A slight wave of regret might come over you but you have to demolish those negative thoughts. Those outside opinions should not cause you to change your course. I have to be intentional with sticking to my plan and not wavering based on the opinions of others. I take a moment to clear my head of all the clutter and refocus on my purpose. it’s ok to take some advice into consideration of course.

Trust your process

Believe in yourself and find comfort in knowing you are capable of making the best decisions for your life. It will be scary and might cause a slight anxiety attack but there is nothing that you can’t conquer.

XOXO

Jess

That long text he never read

“He needs to know how much he hurt me”, “He has to feel the pain that I feel”…and those were the thoughts that started off that 4 paragraph text message I would send to the lucky young man who hurt my little feelings because of what he did or didn’t do at the time. I have a message for my old self….HE DON’T CARE AND HE’S NOT GONNA READ IT SIS!

I thought I was making a statement and actually guilt tripping him into caring about how hurt I was but I should have just packed up my dignity and kept it moving the same way he did. He said he was coming to town to see me and I was hype because after the 4th cycle of break up to make up it was make up time again. But this time was different, he said he also wanted to go see the other girl he dated during our “break” and I lost it. The audacity of you to want to go see that dog-fac….that woman who was nowhere near as poppin’ as me!! See I was also the girl who would speak ill of the next chick (man I’ve grown lol) when I didn’t even know her from Adam (but I did know her from Facebook, my search game was on point). After he said that I felt like an option, like he was saying “well imma go see both of them then choose who I wanna be with for real”, well I wasn’t having it because this girl right here is always the only choice. I was so livid I didn’t even give him a chance to finish his sentence (I would regret this later on but life goes on). I hung up the phone and started typing. Yes, it would have made sense to stay on the phone and say all that I wanted to say but remember, I’m upset so my sentences will not be formed correctly and I’m emotional so I will cry while yelling at him and I have to remain a thug and thugs don’t cry. So there I was walking to the train crying and typing a few strong worded messages (with a voice message when my tears took a break).

The purpose of the messages was to tell him that he was a horrible person for hurting me again but I knew that he knew. He was aware of the impact those words would have on me but he just didn’t care. Those messages didn’t make him feel guilty for hurting me or made him hurt the same way. My feelings were separate from his and expressing my disdain for his existence was not going to take away the pain I was feeling nor strike him with the same discomfort. I was suppose to work through my feelings by myself with the help of a diary or a trusted friend who would just listen and not suggest that we find some dudes to jump him. All I wanted was to vent and he was not the person to vent to at all. I did more damage to myself because I allowed my emotions to take over. It’s even worse when the guy doesn’t respond to any of the 10 text messages or if his response is not what you expected. Hours later he finally responded and hit me with the “are you done?” (lmao), and just when I was going to start another long message he calls and I decided to answer because I was calm already. He explained himself and I actually listened and when he said he didn’t read after the first two sentences I was kind of relieved because I was embarrassed after I read what I had typed. I did not present myself in the best light and it seemed like my self esteem was not present at all.

When my feelings are hurt by someone, friends, family, or significant other, first I try to dissect why what they said hurt so much. Is it because there’s truth in what they said that I haven’t faced yet? Are they speaking from a hurt place and only trying to hurt me in the process? Is it even worth picking a fight over? My dignity is more important than letting someone know how much they hurt me. I give people more credit than that now. You know what you did, no need for me to tell you.

xoxo

Jess