A Dream Deferred

I still remember getting my acceptance letter to Brown University in 2007. I was going to major in Accounting and minor in Spanish (the Garifuna course was not yet available, not even on Rosetta Stone). I was looking up sororities that I would want to pledge since I didn’t (more like “was told not to”) apply to North Carolina A&T and wouldn’t be a part of AKA (Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority) as I had dreamed. I was ecstatic either way. Until it was my turn to meet with the guidance counselor to go over the next steps and I cried as I told her that I would not be attending Brown University or any of the other four colleges I was accepted to.

High school graduation 2007

That was the point in my life where I never understood the phrases “everything happens for a reason” and “God has a plan” because what the hell could be the reason for this and this don’t feel like a good plan.

So you telling me that I got straight A’s all through school, met all the academic requirements to attend college, got accepted, just to be told that I can’t go??!! This was his “plan”? Seriously? I was distraught and embarrassed. All my friends were gearing up for college and I had to shy away from every discussion because I couldn’t say “I’m not going” without tears forming. I spent homeroom period in the guidance counselors office for at least a week, crying and yelling about how much I hated the world and everyone in it.

I can’t say that I got over it but I accepted it as time passed because there was nothing I could do about what had already happened. I ended up getting a job and saved up enough to finally apply to college again 2yrs later. I got in!!! But….the week after I got my acceptance letter I lost my job. How was I going to maintain myself and pay for school? Needless to say, I had to drop out before class was even in session. That’s when I gave up entirely.

My mental capacity had no room to receive anything school related from anyone. I had tried and the universe just did not want me to succeed at that time. Seven more years would pass before I would even toy with the idea of embarking on another educational journey.

I was working for the same company for 5yrs in 2015 when I had an overwhelming feeling of complacency. There was no room for growth and the boss was convinced that I would just work there forever (rolls eyes). So I took that as a challenge and applied to community college. I started my first day of college in January 2016!

I completed my stint in college in December 2018 and graduated with an AAS in Business Management May 2019! That job I had? The one with the boss who thought I couldn’t do any better?…. I resigned on October 5th 2018. Started a new job October 29th 2018.

College graduation 2019

No I didn’t get the college life experience I had hoped for. I didn’t pledge any sorority or live in a dorm (but I did go to a few college homecomings and parties but that’s a whole other blog post lol). But I did get a degree after what seemed like years of disappointments. Years of me not believing in myself and giving up far too easy. I call it a leap of faith. I was nervous, anxious and excited through the entire process. I haven’t been in a class room in 9yrs! Would I be the oldest one in the class? Would I be able to keep up with the work? How will I balance working full time and going to school? Do I still know how to study? So many questions, so many concerns, all to conclude with YES to all. I did it.

With the emotional and financial support of my family and friends I was able to achieve a dream I thought was impossible at one point. I am proud of myself. I am happy with my accomplishment and I am determined to achieve much more.

Xoxo

Jayelle