A Dream Deferred

I still remember getting my acceptance letter to Brown University in 2007. I was going to major in Accounting and minor in Spanish (the Garifuna course was not yet available, not even on Rosetta Stone). I was looking up sororities that I would want to pledge since I didn’t (more like “was told not to”) apply to North Carolina A&T and wouldn’t be a part of AKA (Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority) as I had dreamed. I was ecstatic either way. Until it was my turn to meet with the guidance counselor to go over the next steps and I cried as I told her that I would not be attending Brown University or any of the other four colleges I was accepted to.

High school graduation 2007

That was the point in my life where I never understood the phrases “everything happens for a reason” and “God has a plan” because what the hell could be the reason for this and this don’t feel like a good plan.

So you telling me that I got straight A’s all through school, met all the academic requirements to attend college, got accepted, just to be told that I can’t go??!! This was his “plan”? Seriously? I was distraught and embarrassed. All my friends were gearing up for college and I had to shy away from every discussion because I couldn’t say “I’m not going” without tears forming. I spent homeroom period in the guidance counselors office for at least a week, crying and yelling about how much I hated the world and everyone in it.

I can’t say that I got over it but I accepted it as time passed because there was nothing I could do about what had already happened. I ended up getting a job and saved up enough to finally apply to college again 2yrs later. I got in!!! But….the week after I got my acceptance letter I lost my job. How was I going to maintain myself and pay for school? Needless to say, I had to drop out before class was even in session. That’s when I gave up entirely.

My mental capacity had no room to receive anything school related from anyone. I had tried and the universe just did not want me to succeed at that time. Seven more years would pass before I would even toy with the idea of embarking on another educational journey.

I was working for the same company for 5yrs in 2015 when I had an overwhelming feeling of complacency. There was no room for growth and the boss was convinced that I would just work there forever (rolls eyes). So I took that as a challenge and applied to community college. I started my first day of college in January 2016!

I completed my stint in college in December 2018 and graduated with an AAS in Business Management May 2019! That job I had? The one with the boss who thought I couldn’t do any better?…. I resigned on October 5th 2018. Started a new job October 29th 2018.

College graduation 2019

No I didn’t get the college life experience I had hoped for. I didn’t pledge any sorority or live in a dorm (but I did go to a few college homecomings and parties but that’s a whole other blog post lol). But I did get a degree after what seemed like years of disappointments. Years of me not believing in myself and giving up far too easy. I call it a leap of faith. I was nervous, anxious and excited through the entire process. I haven’t been in a class room in 9yrs! Would I be the oldest one in the class? Would I be able to keep up with the work? How will I balance working full time and going to school? Do I still know how to study? So many questions, so many concerns, all to conclude with YES to all. I did it.

With the emotional and financial support of my family and friends I was able to achieve a dream I thought was impossible at one point. I am proud of myself. I am happy with my accomplishment and I am determined to achieve much more.

Xoxo

Jayelle

0 thoughts on “A Dream Deferred

  1. I am proud and happy for you Jessica. The family in Belize happy for you too. Life is full of challenges trials and tribulations. The joy is overcoming them. Aim for the stars, there is a world waiting for you.
    Never give up.

  2. Your honesty and transparency is beautiful and so appreciated! Your journey will give others the hope and confidence to keep going no matter how long it may take. DON’T GIVE UP. And your story isn’t uncommon. I have so many friends and family who were in the same position of having the grades and academics but simply couldn’t afford college or couldn’t go for some reason or another. It’s unfair, but it happens A LOT. A big congratulations to you on your achievement and I hope you achieve even more!! Geat post!

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